under water

under water
you look the same as you do in bed
your hair fanned out
like it is over the multiple pillows you insist are necessary
your eyes half closed in a bliss all your own
a lazy smile on your face
your arms and legs undulating like a mythical sea creature of temptation
your slow-motion blinks of perfection
the crook of your arm
home to the children you've birthed
under water
you move with an unparalleled grace to an unheard symphony

under water
i can't breathe

untitled

i revert to many
one would be too much
you know
almost nothing
of me
yet
everything
seems to be
so simple
so known
so implicitly understood
it is painful
to be
so silent
so far away
as i imagine
it would be
with words
so close
together

untitled

atop the mountain
of bones
and books
i collect
feathers
and sun-splotched dreams
i weave
new stories
of these
old threads
wings
to carry
high
above the smoke and ashes

a letter to my grandmother

true
the others have left you
but you have left others
who will never leave you
but will leave each other
this perpetual cycle
confusing
and comforting
giving
what is left
to those left
to give

stone

what does one say,
when there is nothing to say
when the expressions well up on the inside,
but don't even have enough strength to make it out of parted lips
when one is simply too tired to live
when silence will not suffice,
but the words wont either
when angers are dull axes
hacking away at the inside of a mind
concussing blows
that will neither cease pounding away at that which holds them,
nor slice their home open and make their way out
free

these lines on my face
my soul's impotent rebellion

late

it is done
the beginning
has begun
and so we have ended
these juxtapositions
trite
there will be more
words
for now
this will suffice
i'm not well
but there is too late
and it will be
soon

one degree of separation

i would ask you why
you did it
but I cant
I couldn't even ask you
why you would
because I had no idea
you would
nor, it seems
did anyone else
now
there are only questions
a gaping hole
recently filled
with nothing at all

know

and before this all goes away
before you go away
know
that you were my beacon
you were my island
you were my door
you were my light
you were my window
you were my key
you were my paper
you were my mouth
you were my hands
you were my sign
you were my hope

he stands on the edge of the triangular shaped divide
where the road branches off into two
both going in the same direction
uptown
one to east side and one to the west
leaning forward
torward the oncoming traffic
he holds a weathered book in his hands
his breath makes strange shapes in the air
clouds
that hover for a moment
before being swooshed away by the hordes of cars flying by
there is no anger
serenity on a freezing concrete
and palpable belief
he paces back and forth
eyes shut tight
then wide open
the shut tight again

i'm transfixed
i wish it were simply
fixed

the machine

and when i only speak so that you can answer
i know that i love you more than i could ever imagine
more than i could hope to express
only to clench my fists and make a guttural sound
something animal
something primal
something
bordering on painful

it began with a single heartbeat
i wish i could say i knew
but sitting there
then
i knew that i didnt
know

a friday 55 - my first ever. be gentle.

Climbing out
Crawling
Grit
Scraping
Tears
Moist
Adjusting
Twitching
Still
Spent
Standing
Wobbly
Sniffing
Touching
Precipice
Steady
Steady
Steady
No pathos
No quarter
Quite Suddenly
Rising
Filling
Flowing
Out
And over
Forcefully
Past
Tremendous

Eyes
Clouds
Mist covered valley
Stars
Sand
Open
Knowing
Together
Broken
Chords
Broken
Harmonies
Broken wings
Dragging
Tears
Black
Ebbing
Free

blindness

i would say
no you cant
or
no you wont
or
no you wouldnt
or something like that
when you see the blackness
and the need
and the twisted black and silver wreckage
and you'll still say
you would

but you haven't seen

occam's razor

how many throats has it cut ?
how many wrists has it slit ?

time

your time
was another time
and now, another's time
and it's all taken
now
but you seem happy
to be possessed
so
what have i to say
this is your choice

we stood there together
the begining
knowing that when one made a decision
the other would follow
of that there was really no question
only the direction
and that made the choosing
less of a sentence

benevolence

the drum beats
in time
the melody
out of it
the drum stops
to give the melody a chance
to compose itself

it begins again
assured
synchopating

for you

i hope for you
and i hope
for you
for your sake i hope
for you
i hope
this will never sound right
and be everything
i intend for it to be

hiatus explained

first,
thank you all for your kind words
i really appreciate them

now the explanation

it got to be a bit overwhelming to think of things to post
and the ones that i did post had a certain tone that i wasn't thrilled with
and most importantly, what got overwhelming was finding myself feeling compelled to read everyone else's blogs and comment on them


so i am embarking on a new journey

i will try to;

write as often as i can
not feel guilty about the "down"
visit other's blogs as often as i can
de-pressurize myself

i'm going to try to let my blog be itself and let them fall where they may

so here's to a new day...

in the beginning

he was your desire
you made it so
made him so
in your image
a god
among gods
brutally so